50 Bed-Side Splitting Nurse Puns to Brighten Your Day

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Get ready to laugh out loud with our collection of 50 hilarious nurse puns! These witty one-liners are the perfect pick-me-up for anyone in need of a good chuckle.

Injection of Humor

  1. Needless to say, we’re quite sharp.
  2. I have a shot at being the best nurse.
  3. This joke might not make a good impression, but it’s certainly not vein.
  4. Giving injections is a jab well done.
  5. When nurses play darts, they always hit the vein.

Funny Bones

  1. Nurses always find themselves in humerus situations.
  2. I tried to find the skeleton’s funny bone, but realized he had none.
  3. Sometimes, I feel like I have a fractured sense of humor.
  4. Nurse: “Stop, you’re killing me!” Skeleton: “I’ve got nothing to hide.”
  5. Why did the nurse always carry a skeleton key? In case of a funny bone emergency!

Vital Signs of Laughter

  1. How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay her!
  2. Nurses have to be pulse-itively hilarious.
  3. You’re never alone; you’ve always got a buddy system.
  4. I only have vein interests: coffee, scrubs, and laughs.
  5. Our blood type is BE POSITIVE. It’s also our philosophy.

Hearty Giggles

  1. Cardiologists know how to treat a heart, but nurses know how to fill it with love.
  2. I have a heart of gold and a sense of humor to match.
  3. You’ve stolen my heart, so I might need a cardiac arrest.
  4. Our jokes might be corny, but they have a lot of heart.
  5. Love is the best medicine, unless you have cholesterol; then you should take statins.

Pressure Points of Laughter

  1. High pressure jobs require high pressure jokes.
  2. I’m a nurse. I solve problems you didn’t know you had in ways you can’t understand.
  3. Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.
  4. Don’t push me, I’m close to the edge… of the bedpan.
  5. I have a degree in poking people without getting arrested.

Band-aid for the Soul

  1. I don’t tell bad jokes — only sick ones.
  2. Nurse by day, sleep deprivation expert by night.
  3. Do you believe in life after love? Try coffee.
  4. I wrap it up well — whether it’s a wound or a punchline.
  5. I’ve got a bandaid for every situation — laughter is for the soul.

Surgical Strikes of Humor

  1. Operating with precision — both in surgery and wit.
  2. Surgeons are skilled with a scalpel, but nurses cut deeper… with their sarcasm.
  3. I have a stitch from laughing, not surgery — promise!
  4. Scalpels, stitches, and sutures — all in a day’s work.
  5. A successful surgery is a major victory, but a good joke is cutting edge.

Laughs in Radiology

  1. We see right through you — X-ray vision included.
  2. Our humor is so bright, you might need to wear lead.
  3. There’s no shadow of a doubt that nurses are the best.
  4. I got an X-ray and found your funny bone; it’s broken.
  5. We’re like photons — always energized and a bit elusive.

ICU Giggles

  1. In the ICU, humor helps us see clearly.
  2. “Stay positive,” said the electron to the nurse in the ICU.
  3. Visions may be blurry, but our jokes are sharp.
  4. Keeping an eye on you is easy — making you laugh is the challenge.
  5. The best ICU nurses are often the sight for sore eyes.

Emergency Puns

  1. In an emergency, break the glass and laugh.
  2. EMTs will always carry you, but nurses will make sure you stand tall… in humor.
  3. When things get too serious, we inject humor.
  4. We’re quick to the scene, even quicker with a quip.
  5. In times of crisis, our comedy is the first response.