Get ready to crack a smile and maybe even burst into laughter with our collection of 50 hilarious lawyer puns. Whether you’re in the legal field or just love a good play on words, these puns are sure to tickle your funny bone.
Contents
Juris-Prudence and Court Jesters
- Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? They can’t handle the sunsuit.
- What did the judge say to his dentist? Do justice to my teeth!
- How do lawyers say goodbye? I’ll be suing ya!
- Why did the lawyer wear a neckbrace to court? For whiplash statements.
- What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.
- Why was the lawyer great in bed? He always found the loophole.
- How does a lawyer sleep? First, he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
- Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one too.
- How do lawyers say goodbye? Let’s never settle this in court.
Writs of Ha-Ha’s
- Why don’t lawyers drown? Because they’re good at treading water.
- What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? Subpoena coladas.
- What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances? Retired.
- Why was the lawyer upset at his GPS? It kept telling him to take the wrong turn.
- How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Just say “Fees!”
- What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.
- What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom? Odor in the court.
- Why did the banana go to the lawyer? Because it felt peeled.
- What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We both know the drill.
- Why do lawyers always carry a pencil? To draw up a contract.
Litigation Laughs
- Why was the legal eagle not found? It was always up in appeals.
- What’s a lawyer’s favorite footwear? Sneakers for those slippery cases.
- What do you call a lawyer who cooks? A sue-chef.
- Why did the lawyer become a baker? He loved to roll in the dough.
- What’s a lawyer’s least favorite kitchen appliance? The straight shooter.
- What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention? The caterer.
- How do you make a group of lawyers to laugh? Tell them a straightforward, honest story.
- Justice is a dish best served cold because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
- Why did the cucumber hire a lawyer? Because it was in a pickle.
- How do lawyers part their hair? By using a legal comb-over.
Evidence of Entertainment
- Why was the lawyer like a trampoline? He got everybody jumping.
- What do you call a psychotic lawyer? A certifiable writ.
- Why did the lawyer stop dating? He couldn’t find anyone who would settle.
- What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the courthouse? The trial room (because he has no body to go with).
- Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
- Why do lawyers never seem to lose their appeal? Because they always dress to impress.
- What do you call a law firm that also repairs shoes? Sue & Resole.
- Habeas Porpoise: A rarely used law to defend marine mammals.
- Why are judges excellent gardeners? Because they deal with so many leeks.
- How do angry lawyers tie their shoes? With long and complex knots.
Bar None Funnies
- Why don’t lawyers go to bars? Because they can’t pass the bar without studying.
- How does a lawyer say “cheers”? Here’s to liable friendships!
- Why was the lawyer always calm? Because he had a lot of patents.
- Why do lawyers always carry a case? Because it’s hard to carry a keg.
- What do you call a floating law firm? Barge & Associates.
- Why did the lawyer break up with his girlfriend? She said he was too argumentative.
- What do you call an honest lawyer? An oxymoron.
- What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality.
- Why do lawyers wear ties? To keep the foreskin from creeping up their necks.
- How does a lawyer decline a drink? Sorry, I must submit a refusal.