51 Witty Law Puns Guaranteed to Court Your Funny Bone

Get ready to crack a smile and maybe even burst into laughter because we’re diving into 51 hilarious law puns that are guilty of being too funny. Whether you’re a legal eagle or just in need of a good chuckle, these clever quips are sure to appeal to your sense of humor.

Arresting Humor

1. I got arrested for downloading all of Wikipedia. I told them I could explain everything!
2. Why do the police go to art school? To learn how to draw a gun.
3. Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out, so they get arrested development.

Courtroom Chuckles

1. What did the judge say to the dental record? “Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?”
2. I got caught stealing a calendar. I got 12 months; they say my days are numbered.
3. Why are ghosts bad liars? Because they are easily seen through in court.
4. Just dropped my gavel in my coffee. Jurisprudence.

Legal Punsishment

1. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.
2. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed!
3. Have you heard about the lawyer who tried to balm a tree? He found himself in a sticky situation.
4. I find jail puns arresting.

Contract Comedy

1. Why don’t contracts like to skinny dip? They’re afraid of loopholes.
2. What’s a lawyer’s favorite clothing? A lawsuit!
3. I was going to tell a joke about an unsigned contract, but then realized it lacked commitment.

Will and Testament Titters

1. Writing a will is a dead giveaway.
2. What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped prison? A small medium at large with a hidden will.
3. Why was the computer cold at the will reading? Because it left its Windows open.

Evidence of Humor

1. Why did the belt get arrested? For holding up a pair of pants!
2. My court hearing is coming up, and I’ve never been more excited! It’s number 242 on my bucket list.
3. Do you know where you can find the best lawyer? In a briefcase.

Law-ghing Out Loud

1. How do you drown a hipster? In the mainstream.
2. Why didn’t the sun go to college? Because it already had a million degrees!
3. Why do lawyers always carry a briefcase? To look sue-phisticated.

Criminal Chuckles

1. How do you know if a criminal is a kleptomaniac? He always takes things literally.
2. Why don’t criminals use calendars? Because their days are numbered!
3. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Parole Giggles

1. Why do sharks make terrible lawyers? They’re too bite-biased!
2. Getting caught stealing calendars is a bad time. They give you 12 months!
3. When do prisoners use umbrellas? When it’s paroleing!

Judge Jests

1. I asked the judge how he stays so fit. He replied, “I pass judgment every day!”
2. What do you call a tick on the moon? A luna-tick in court.
3. Judges don’t wear gloves. They feel it’s important to have a firm grip on the law.

Bail Bonds of Humor

1. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
2. I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
3. Getting paid with vegetables is called salary for a reason.

Lawyer Laughs

1. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
2. Why did the lawyer show up in court in his pajamas? He was fighting a sleeping disorder charge!
3. What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? Subpoena colada.

Attorney Amusements

1. Why did the attorney stop using social media? He couldn’t handle the slander!
2. My attorney told me my burglary case was a steal.
3. When thieves fall out, honest men come by their goods; lawyers prefer to settle.

Legal Limericks

1. There once was a lawyer named Rex, With very small muscles and pecs. When asked to defend. He’d always pretend, To be reading complex legal texts.
2. A judge who’s known to be wise, Saw humor in lawsuits and lies. With a gavel in hand, He made one stand, And laughed till he cried in their eyes.

Wills and Wants

1. I left all my batteries to my friend in my will. It’s my way of letting him know I’m leaving him a charge.
2. Why do basketball players make bad witnesses? They know how to dribble out the truth.

Subpoena Silliness

1. What do you call a magical dog? A subpoena colada!
2. I used to be a banker, but I lost interest. Now I’m being subpoenaed for my withdrawals.

Litigation Laughter

1. How do you turn a sinking ship into a courtroom? Start a litigation, and everyone’s aboard.
2. Litigation – it’s like a pit; you don’t realize how deep you’re in until it’s too late.

Legal Loopholes

1. I found a loophole in my diet. Donuts.
2. Why do lawyers love playgrounds? They’re fantastic at finding loopholes on the slides.