49 Epic History Puns Guaranteed to Make the Past Laugh

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Dive into the past with a twist of humor with our collection of 49 hilarious history puns that promise to make you laugh and learn. Whether you’re a history buff or just in need of a good chuckle, these puns are the perfect blend of wit and wisdom from bygone eras.

Leaders of Laughter

  1. Why do we never tell secrets to Napoleon? Because he has a complex about spilling them!
  2. What did the pharaoh say when his people complained about the high taxes? “I pyramid them fair and square!”
  3. Julius Caesar walked into a bar and said, “I’ll have a martinus.” The bartender replied, “Don’t you mean a martini?” “Look, if I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”
  4. Why was King Arthur’s army too tired to fight? Because they had too many sleepless knights.
  5. Why did Churchill wear hats so often? To keep his wit under wraps!
  6. What was Henry VIII’s favorite type of precipitation? Reign.
  7. Why didn’t the sun go to college? Because it already had a million degrees!
  8. Marie Antoinette was such a sweet talker, she could convince anyone to have cake.
  9. When Moses served tea, he brewed it in the Red Sea-soned pot.

Ancient Zingers

  1. What do you call a Pharaoh who loves music? A Mum-my Cool J.
  2. The Roman Empire was cut in half with a pair of Caesars.
  3. Archaeologists really dig their job, especially when they hit rock bottom.
  4. I told my friend he had no understanding of ancient Egyptian architecture. He was in de-Nile.
  5. Sphinx it’s annoying to listen without interrupting, but please let me finish.
  6. Homer is where the heart is, especially if you’re into epic poetry.
  7. Ancient Greeks never left their houses without a porch-us because they loved their columns.
  8. The philosopher was a man of few words. He believed in Plato not heard.
  9. Oedipus was ahead of his time, really into family bonding.
  10. The gladiator retired because he felt he was getting too sword.

Medieval Mirth

  1. What’s a knight’s favorite fish? A swordfish!
  2. Why was the medieval party so dull? Because people were too busy castleing each other out.
  3. Did you hear about the knight who invented the round table? He had a great circle of friends.
  4. The problem with feudalism? It’s so outdated, it’s serf-ing the internet is impossible!
  5. Jesters are great at parties, they really know how to juggle the atmosphere.
  6. Why don’t medieval secrets ever stay secret? Too many leaks in the castle walls.
  7. Knights in armor always carry money because charges of lance-eny might get dropped.
  8. Medieval historians have a great knight life.
  9. The king had a sea under his castle, making it a dolphinitely good moat.
  10. Fighting in armor is exhausting, knights always look forward to chainmail Sunday.

Revolutionary Rib-ticklers

  1. Why didn’t the Revolutionary War start on time? The clocks were all protesting—they wanted independence from the wall!
  2. Paul Revere rode all night because he hated to be kept in the dark.
  3. Why was the American Revolution so expensive? Too much tea was spilled.
  4. The revolutionary said he’d fight until his last Breton, but he was just a big sweater.
  5. “Give me liberty, or give me a math test!” The lesser-known nerd edition of Patrick Henry’s quote.
  6. Tea parties in Boston are always steeped in history.
  7. Benjamin Franklin was a shockingly good inventor and a real live wire at parties.
  8. The Declaration of Independence is a break-up letter that really colonial-ed out the King’s behavior.
  9. King George III couldn’t attend the revolution because he didn’t want to lose his head over it.
  10. Revolutionaries love spring because it’s the perfect time for March-ing in the streets.

Civil War Chuckles

  1. Why did the Civil War soldiers get so tired before the battle started? Because they were always up at the crack of dawn.
  2. Abraham Lincoln didn’t enjoy plays; he always found them mind-blowing.
  3. The Civil War was not expected to photography well, but it actually came out in good developments.
  4. What did one cannonball say to the other? “Boy, being in the Civil War sure is a blast!”
  5. General Grant took Vicksburg on a dare, just because he was told he couldn’t. What a siege of confidence!
  6. Why couldn’t the Confederate soldiers drink tea? Because the North blockaded all the ports!
  7. The Civil War wasn’t just fought in color; it was fought in many shades of grey.
  8. Civil War jokes? I General Lee don’t find them funny, but I’ll Sherman try.
  9. Southerners brewed coffee during the Civil War by using chicory, which is why they were always in such a bitter mood.
  10. The Gettysburg dress code was strictly union-form.