Dive into the past with a twist of humor with our collection of 49 hilarious history puns that promise to make you laugh and learn. Whether you’re a history buff or just in need of a good chuckle, these puns are the perfect blend of wit and wisdom from bygone eras.
Contents
Leaders of Laughter
- Why do we never tell secrets to Napoleon? Because he has a complex about spilling them!
- What did the pharaoh say when his people complained about the high taxes? “I pyramid them fair and square!”
- Julius Caesar walked into a bar and said, “I’ll have a martinus.” The bartender replied, “Don’t you mean a martini?” “Look, if I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”
- Why was King Arthur’s army too tired to fight? Because they had too many sleepless knights.
- Why did Churchill wear hats so often? To keep his wit under wraps!
- What was Henry VIII’s favorite type of precipitation? Reign.
- Why didn’t the sun go to college? Because it already had a million degrees!
- Marie Antoinette was such a sweet talker, she could convince anyone to have cake.
- When Moses served tea, he brewed it in the Red Sea-soned pot.
Ancient Zingers
- What do you call a Pharaoh who loves music? A Mum-my Cool J.
- The Roman Empire was cut in half with a pair of Caesars.
- Archaeologists really dig their job, especially when they hit rock bottom.
- I told my friend he had no understanding of ancient Egyptian architecture. He was in de-Nile.
- Sphinx it’s annoying to listen without interrupting, but please let me finish.
- Homer is where the heart is, especially if you’re into epic poetry.
- Ancient Greeks never left their houses without a porch-us because they loved their columns.
- The philosopher was a man of few words. He believed in Plato not heard.
- Oedipus was ahead of his time, really into family bonding.
- The gladiator retired because he felt he was getting too sword.
Medieval Mirth
- What’s a knight’s favorite fish? A swordfish!
- Why was the medieval party so dull? Because people were too busy castleing each other out.
- Did you hear about the knight who invented the round table? He had a great circle of friends.
- The problem with feudalism? It’s so outdated, it’s serf-ing the internet is impossible!
- Jesters are great at parties, they really know how to juggle the atmosphere.
- Why don’t medieval secrets ever stay secret? Too many leaks in the castle walls.
- Knights in armor always carry money because charges of lance-eny might get dropped.
- Medieval historians have a great knight life.
- The king had a sea under his castle, making it a dolphinitely good moat.
- Fighting in armor is exhausting, knights always look forward to chainmail Sunday.
Revolutionary Rib-ticklers
- Why didn’t the Revolutionary War start on time? The clocks were all protesting—they wanted independence from the wall!
- Paul Revere rode all night because he hated to be kept in the dark.
- Why was the American Revolution so expensive? Too much tea was spilled.
- The revolutionary said he’d fight until his last Breton, but he was just a big sweater.
- “Give me liberty, or give me a math test!” The lesser-known nerd edition of Patrick Henry’s quote.
- Tea parties in Boston are always steeped in history.
- Benjamin Franklin was a shockingly good inventor and a real live wire at parties.
- The Declaration of Independence is a break-up letter that really colonial-ed out the King’s behavior.
- King George III couldn’t attend the revolution because he didn’t want to lose his head over it.
- Revolutionaries love spring because it’s the perfect time for March-ing in the streets.
Civil War Chuckles
- Why did the Civil War soldiers get so tired before the battle started? Because they were always up at the crack of dawn.
- Abraham Lincoln didn’t enjoy plays; he always found them mind-blowing.
- The Civil War was not expected to photography well, but it actually came out in good developments.
- What did one cannonball say to the other? “Boy, being in the Civil War sure is a blast!”
- General Grant took Vicksburg on a dare, just because he was told he couldn’t. What a siege of confidence!
- Why couldn’t the Confederate soldiers drink tea? Because the North blockaded all the ports!
- The Civil War wasn’t just fought in color; it was fought in many shades of grey.
- Civil War jokes? I General Lee don’t find them funny, but I’ll Sherman try.
- Southerners brewed coffee during the Civil War by using chicory, which is why they were always in such a bitter mood.
- The Gettysburg dress code was strictly union-form.