25 Knee-Slapping Doctor Puns That Will Have You in Stitches

Disclaimer: This post may contain affiliate links for which we may make a small commission at no extra cost to you should you make a purchase.

Get ready to giggle and groan with our collection of 25 hilarious doctor puns that are just what the doctor ordered for a dose of laughter. Whether you’re a medical professional looking for a fun break or just love a good wordplay, these puns are the perfect prescription for a lighthearted mood.

A Dose of Laughter

  1. I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
  2. Why did the doctor carry a red pen? In case they needed to draw blood.
  3. I don’t find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency.
  4. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? Because he felt crumby.
  5. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

Surgical Humors

  1. The doctor said I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
  2. Doctors are saying not to worry about the bird flu because it’s tweetable.
  3. I told the doctor I felt like a deck of cards. He told me to sit down, and he’d deal with me later.
  4. What’s the difference between a doctor and God? God doesn’t think he’s a doctor.
  5. Why did the doctor start writing? He wanted to gain more patients.

Prescription for Giggles

  1. Why was the computer cold at the doctor’s office? It left its Windows open.
  2. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  3. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh, according to one optimistic optometrist.
  4. Why was the doctor always calm? Because he had a lot of patients.
  5. After losing his left hand and left leg in a car accident, the doctor assured Tom he’d be all right.

Emergency Laughs

  1. What did the doctor say to the rocket ship? It’s time to blastoma (blast-off, ma)!
  2. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that, won’t we?
  3. Why did the scarecrow become a successful surgeon? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  4. I don’t find orthopedic jokes humorous anymore. They are just too broken up.
  5. Why did Dracula lie down on the wrong side of the bed? Because he wanted to get out of the bat side.

Injecting Humor

  1. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
  2. My doctor told me I was going deaf. The news was hard to hear.
  3. Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
  4. What do you call a doctor that fixes websites? A URL-ologist.
  5. I gave all my dead batteries away today… free of charge.