50 Dad Puns That Will Make You Groan with Glee

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Get ready to laugh your socks off with our collection of 50 hilarious dad puns that are so bad, they’re actually good. Whether you’re a dad looking to up your joke game or just in need of a good chuckle, these pun-tastic quips are guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.

Dad-tors of Humor: Medical Puns

  1. I told the doctor I broke my arm in two places. He advised me to stop going to those places.
  2. Why did the doctor carry a red pen? In case they needed to draw blood.
  3. I don’t find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from irony deficiency.
  4. I’ve been diagnosed with a fear of giants. Feefiphobia.
  5. Becoming a vegetarian is a huge misteak according to my doctor.
  6. Nurses like red crayons. Sometimes they just have to draw blood.
  7. The optometrist fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself.
  8. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
  9. I decided to quit my job as a chiropractor because I felt I was just going through the motions.
  10. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Dad-a-base: Tech Puns

  1. I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
  2. If you see a crime at the Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
  3. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
  4. Why are computers so smart? Because they listen to their motherboards.
  5. I changed my password to “incorrect”. Now my computer just tells me when I forget.
  6. You know you’re a dad when you can’t listen to music quietly because you might miss a beat.
  7. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
  8. To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.
  9. I just sold my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
  10. I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

Puns of Dad-vocacy: Legal Puns

  1. I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough.
  2. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  3. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
  4. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  5. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  6. I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
  7. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
  8. I’ve been diagnosed with a fear of elevators. I’m taking steps to avoid it.
  9. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
  10. I’m no cheetah… you’re lion.

Dad-ucation: School Puns

  1. Why do we never tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
  2. I would tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon.
  3. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
  4. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
  5. I would make a belt out of watches, but it would be a waist of time.
  6. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.
  7. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
  8. I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me cookies.
  9. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
  10. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

Dad-livery: Food Puns

  1. Lettuce turnip the beet.
  2. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
  3. A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
  4. I’m a big fan of whiteboards. They’re re-markable.
  5. I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me cookies.
  6. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.
  7. I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough.
  8. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
  9. Electricians have to strip to make ends meet.
  10. I wheely like bike puns.