40 Check-Mate Chuckles: The Ultimate Chess Puns Compilation

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Looking for a way to add some humor to your chess game? Check out these 40 hilarious chess puns that’ll make you the king or queen of chess comedy!

Check These Out! – Opening Moves

  1. I’m reading a book on the history of glue – can’t put it pawn.
  2. Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
  3. I told my pieces to chill, but my rook is too castle-phobic.
  4. My chess clock broke. It’s about time for a new one.
  5. My bishop has gone missing. I think he’s on a diagonal.

Knight Time Humor – Knight Puns

  1. Why did the knight move in an L shape? Because it’s not a straight-forward piece.
  2. I met a knight who was also a dentist. He specializes in crowning.
  3. Knights are the best at starting relationships. They always make the first move.
  4. Why don’t chess knights ever get tired? Because they always make a l-move.
  5. That awkward moment when your knight can’t check because it’s a mate-ernity ward.

Kings and Queens – Royal Jokes

  1. Why did the king go to the dentist? To get his crown checked.
  2. The queen doesn’t like fast food; she prefers meals with more class.
  3. What’s a chess king’s favorite weather? Reign!
  4. Why was the chess queen mad? Her movement was restricted.
  5. Kings and queens never live long in chess. Too much boardom.

Bishop’s Corner – Crafty Clerics

  1. Why are bishops bad at fixing things? They only move diagonally.
  2. Had a dream my bishop made friends with a zeppelin. Odd airship.
  3. Why can’t bishops lose weight? They hate straight lines.
  4. Bishops are the best at break-ups. They always find the right angle.

Rookie Mistakes – Towering Fails

  1. Why did the rook apply for a job? It wanted to climb the corporate ladder.
  2. Rooks prefer chess over poker. They’re not good with hands.
  3. My rook wanted to be a bishop, but it couldn’t pass the diagonal test.
  4. Why are rooks so organized? They always put things in castles.

Pawn Stars – The Little Guys Steal the Show

  1. Why do pawns make bad comedians? They can never get to the point.
  2. I opened a store for chess enthusiasts. It’s called “Pawn and Order.”
  3. Pawns are the soul of chess. They start as the lowest, yet dream of becoming the highest.
  4. How do you congratulate a pawn on its promotion? “Pawned it!”
  5. Pawns hate fast food workers. They’re always asking if they want to upgrade.

Everything Else Under the Check-Mate Sun

  1. I tried to play chess with my cat. He thought he was the purrfect opponent.
  2. Chess players are the best at parties. They always bring their best moves.
  3. What’s a chess player’s favorite book? “Fifty Shades of Grey” — because of all the checkmates.
  4. Why are gardeners bad at chess? They always pull up the weeds instead of moving the pieces.
  5. Why did the chess piece go to school? To improve its position.
  6. Playing chess in the library is tough. You need to check your voice as well as the board.
  7. Why don’t chess players catch colds? Because they always cover their noses with a knight mask.
  8. How do chess pieces practice self-care? By taking time for themselves.
  9. Why did the chess piece fail the audition? It couldn’t play the role.
  10. What do chess pieces do after the game? They join the rest of the pieces.
  11. Chess pieces prefer tea over coffee. Less chance of a rooky error.
  12. Why was the chess game so loud? Because of all the checks being voiced.